Working With Vivid Differences Of Perspective

Hello Readers!

Last night I wrote an email to my brother where I proposed a way we might work more skillfully and peacefully with some strong differences of perspective.

I thought I would post some of that here, as it strongly relates to the theme of this blog.

Hello Nate,

I have been reflecting quite a bit on our phone conversations of last week and of a
When you suggest as you did last week that you are "totally sure" that you are right, I can hear that and feel your passion with that. From your perspective, you are.

Yet, from over here I just am located inside of a very different perspective with thoughts and concerns that are in a different realm.

As in any situation of diversity, I feel the best solutions come when all points of view can really be on the table and be heard. This is, I believe what Jimmy Carter worked for at Camp David, and Bill Clinton in Ireland, and what Byron Katie is doing in the Middle East.

There were quite few times in our talk of a few days ago when I was seeking to put my concerns on the table and I experienced you cutting me off in mid sentence. This is really not a big deal. It often happens in any lively conversation and I have watched myself do that with you sometimes.

Yet, I feel that our conversations can work the best when we both allow ourselves to slow everything down and be involved in a mutual exploration with each other, rather than trying to convince the other of our own point of view.

To use a famous Quaker phase, a sweet "sense of the meeting" can be reached when strong opinions are set aside and each of the concerns of each participant are heard and responded to. Each person brings an aspect of the larger picture, an aspect of the truth that is important.

Often, in difficult conversations each participant can think that they know best, that they have special, important "inside information" that the other does not get. This sense of having inside information and being sure one is right, can be used as a justification for pushing ones views onto the other.

Yet, the reality is that both sides have unique information, a unique perspective.

To say a famous Quaker phrase in a different way: "There is that of God in every perspective." There is truth everywhere.

Marshal Rosenberg, the founder of Non Violent Communication, was successful in dealing with very angry Islamic folks when he took the time to really hear, really get their frame of reality.

I am proposing these ideas just because I feel they bring resolution much faster. Yes, it is work, yet much less work than holding onto being right and trying to convince another of something.

Much love,
Bruce